What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 02:51
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What are some sex stories from your college days?
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My life is so biszare .
I never cut or harmed myself..
What’s a mistake most guys make when trying to get a girlfriend?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What are the popular niches to talk about as a content creator on the social media platform?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What is the definite integral of x^x from 0 to 2?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
What causes you to be tired all the time and major headaches?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was 9 years of age.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It was going to be , some day.
What do you say after "Hi" when chatting?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What made you recently say to yourself, “Wait. Really?”
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Did you know that we white women prefer Black boyfriends?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We all went to grammer schools
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I have no regrets .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So whats the point in blame.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I waited trembling.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was very sick at this time too.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I think the readers, may guess!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Ive learnt so much.
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I don,t even have a pension.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
She wouldn,t have been !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was scared of men, in general
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She found it foreign!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Would this be the day?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why did i forgive my father ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She loved him until the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
Who then, do I blame.?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I will be 64.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But ive been too sick for many years..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im still living with it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot live in the past .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t